The Ugly Truth abt "Making Use"!

Ok, tis LONG entry is as per Ah Bob's request. But dear readers, pls do not have too much request(s) or I'll be TOO busy to entertain. haha =P I still have a pending song which I desperately wana complete. -_-"

Now here goes, "The Ugly Truth" session. . .

"She's just making use of you!" My dear bros who are reading this, hw many times have you heard this throughout your whole life? As for me, I've lost count.

How do you define the terms, "Making Use"?

Quote what my sister Qiqi said, "Usually, guys would not think they're being make use of. Only ppl ard them wld think so."

Note: It's think so, not KNOW.

The guy or ppl ard him WOULD NEVER know for sure if the gal is making use of him. Even for certain circumstances, the gal didn't know she was making use of the guy or she wasn't thinking of doing that at all.

This is a very grey area topic we are discussing here. I think we need real life illustrations to demonstrate this.

Case Study 1

During CNY's period, gal asks boy out.
"Do you want to meet up for dinner? I need to buy "yu sheng" back for my family."
It was the 7th day of CNY aka "ren ri" meaning everyone's b'day according to Chinese's traditions. Usually, families gather tgt on this day other than the reunion day b4 1st day of CNY.
But this boy agreed to meet up with the gal. Coz he likes her & has been missing her. However, they're NOT tgt.
Boy took the trains frm point A to B (start & end stops kept secret to protect characters' identities) & the whole journey took abt 45 mins. They ate dinner & then the boy sends gal home coz her family was waiting to eat "yu sheng" with her.
Boy returns home to find his family finished eating the "yu sheng" themselves coz they tot he won't be home too early.

From different parties points of views:-

(Easiest) Outsiders tell boy - "This gal is definitely leading u on! She don't like u in that sense. She merely needed some1 to accompany her & she knows you would readily agree even if it's a last min date. But only if u wld even call this a date!"

Through the boy's mind when the gal called to ask him for dinner - "She's thinking of me even during CNY. I'm so happy that I can finally get to see her again."

The gal's thoughts when she asked the boy out - "I wonder if he wld be free to acc me for dinner & on the way buy "yu sheng" back for my family. It'd been a long time since I saw him too."

My conclusion/advice (Watever u call it) - Read back on the actual words the gal said to the boy. "Do you want to meet up for dinner? I need to buy "yu sheng" back for my family."

I guess most of you shld know the difference b/w WANT & NEED.
The gal has make it VERY clear to the boy, "My MAIN motive is to buy "yu sheng" but I'm giving you a CHOICE to meet me."
And I wld say, the gal is not making use of him at all.
Why? Yes, she MAY NOT like him as a potential suitor/bf. But she LIKES him enuf to WANT his companion.
I don't think the gal lacks suitors but y did she ONLY call him? Think abt that.
Perhaps she REALLY like him as a friend?
And I wld like to think that FRIENDS do not make use of each other. =)

Case Study 2

Boy msges gal, "Why didn't I see you online recently?"
Gal replies, "My PC is spoilt & I didn't have time to bring my PC to xxx xxx for repairs. Plus it's too heavy for me."
Boy offers, "I'm free this weekend & I think I maybe able to borrow the family's car. U want me to send you there?"
Gal asked, "Would it be too troublesome for u? It's ok, I'll ask my bro for help."

Boy insists, "It's okay. So, I shall see ya this Sat at 1pm."

Sat came, boy fetches gal & send her PC for repairs. As the repairs were in progress, boy had lunch with gal & watches a romantic movie. Boy pays.

Now, were you thinking like wat most outsiders again? How would you tell the boy?

Common answers consolidated into this, "Hey! Are u DUMB?! She's merely making use of u! She knows u wld by hook or by crook find tpt to help her send the PC for repairs. She shld treat u to lunch & movies in return too for the favour!"

Boy was thinking, "Oh great! Anor chance to see her!"

Gal thought, "He's definitely a good guy. So sweet, always offering to help me whenever he can. Even bro refuses to help me when I offered to pay for taxi fare."

Eagle Ivan's view, "This boy is doing himself a favour. In fact, frm the 1st msg, we can see that they do chat online, maybe even often. He was missing her presence online & by sending her PC to repairs, he can satisfy his desire to chat with her online just like b4. Whether the boy likes gal or not in this case, there are really SOME guys who wld go all out for their friends (be it guy or girl frenz). Why didn't the gal pay for the lunch & movie? First, do note that she's paying for her PC's repairs' fees & secondly, the boy DO like the gal in this case, so HE feels he's obliged to pay for her. He sees this as a date, it's that simple."

Now, I heard my dear bros asking, "So, HOW DO we know if the gal's making use of us?"

Then the gals start to wonder, "The way I'm treating him, would others see as I'm making use of him?"

Let me 1st answer the gals' qns, coz it's much easier & straight forward.

It DOESN'T matter wat OTHERS think/say.

First & foremost, u need to ask urself, "Why am I doing all these to him? Do I see him as a potential bf? If not, do I at least treasure him as a friend?"

Most importantly, were you even thinking of wanting to make use of him?

If no, then it's okay. I trust that you're definitely not making use of this nice guy who goes all out to do anything for you @ his risk of being labelled "SILLY", "DUMB", "NAIVE", etc by ppl ard him.

My dear bros, similarly to how I answered the gals, "It DOESN'T matter wat OTHERS think/say.

How do you feel? Do you at one point or MANY times feel that the gal is making use of u?

It takes 2 hands 2 clap. She WOULD not have a chance 2 do so unless u allowed her to!

If u're feeling that u're being make use of, den u are. Bt we do note that MOST men love to be "tortured", especially by the gals they have interest on.

If u want a r/s that wld last & see u through the rest of ur lives, cut all contacts frm the gal who only make u feel being make use of.

Bt if it's only pure happiness or wat they called 曾经拥有 (once u had that b4 - pardon me for poor translation), by all means continue doing wat u want.

Rem, no1 has the rights to ask you to give up on sth u believe worthwhile as much as no1 can make use of you w/o you letting them to. Every1 has a choice, BE A MAN & make ur own choice!"