SAHM VS SAHP - Why choose one? 全職母親與全職雙親 － 為何就只能二選一？

We didn't have a lot of family photos together, not to mention a photo of only Dad and me.

So, this photo just have to be re-used every time I blog about Dad.

我們沒有太多的全家福，更不用說我與父親的合照。

所以每當要提到父親時，就只能用這張照片。

15/05/16 :-
SAHM VS SAHP - Why choose one?
全職母親與全職雙親　－　為何就只能二選一？

(SAHM -Stay At Home Mum, SAHP - Stay At Home Parents)

I've been wanting to blog about this for the longest time.
Today seems to be a perfect day.
Because, today is Papa's birthday.

My Mum has been a SAHM for our earlier childhood lives.
It was nice having her around at home.
However, as we grow up, expenses increases but not Dad's salary.
Mum has no choice but to re-enter the workforce.

My relationship with Dad was not a pleasant one.
He was a strict father and very obsessive.
Not just towards Mum but us too.
Due to the lack of security, he likes to ransack our stuff as well.

Though I  may not be sure if he had been a SAHD or a SAHP, would things be better.
However, from his experience and the famous SAHM term spreading around recently, it struck me.
Why do we have to only choose SAHM and not SAHP?
For most, the reason is simple, how would we be able to handle the finances if none are working?

That also motivates me when I see my leaders enjoying the SAHP kind of lives I look forward to.
Many would tell you, the first few years are crucial to you and your kids, for bonding and many other reasons.
Of course, I do agree.

However, after I've heard a successful leader shared how she has no choice but to leave her crying "koala" kid at home with her parents in the earlier days when she first started out this business, I changed my perspective.

Back then, her 2 kids would hug onto each of her legs and cried like crazy when she was leaving the house to strive for her business in order to bring them a better future.
She would hold her tears and keep walking out of the house.
Half an hour after she has left, when she called her Mum to check on the kids and ask if they are ok, her Mum would tell her, they are already playing happily away.

After the first 3-5years of fighting really hard for this business, she was able to retire her husband and herself.
The next few years, she was able to be there for all her boys' important milestones - their award presentation, their sports events, their birthdays and many more.
How many of us remember what happened to us in the first 5 years of our lives?
Or do we remember what happened thereafter better?

Does it matter more to have our parents with us in the first 5 years when we barely remember a thing or be disappointed when they are busy with working for others and cannot attend the important events of our lives thereafter?
I do not represent the majority.
To me, I just want to work hard now for the next 3-5 years and when I finally get married and have kids on my own, I can be SAHP with my wife.
The kids belong to both of us, not just her, how is it fair to her to take care of them on her own or fair to me for letting her enjoy all the happy times with them?

It would be hard, but if it is easy, everyone is doing it now.
Only when you truly want it bad enough, you would be willing to put in the efforts to achieve it.
Cheers to my wonderful SAHP life in the years to come!

這是我很久以來就想發的部落格文章。
今天是最再好不過的日子了。
因為，今天是爸爸的冥誕。

我的母親在我們年幼時是個全職媽媽。
有她在的日子絕對是美好的。
但是，好景不常在，家裡的開銷一直在漲，就父親的薪水沒有起。
逼於無奈，母親必須回到職場。

我與父親的感情並不是友好的。
他是個佔有慾極強的父親。
不僅是對母親，對我們也如此。
由於他缺乏安全感，常會洗劫我們的私人物品。

我並不確定如果當初他是個全職父親或全職雙親，事情是否會比較好。
但從他的人生經驗與如今火紅討論著的全職母親一詞，我有了想法。
為甚麼我們只能選擇全職母親而非全職雙親?
很明顯的，對大部分人來說是因為如果雙親都沒有工作，錢從哪來?

這也讓我在看到我的領袖過著幸福全職雙親的生活時受到相當的鼓舞。
很多人會告訴你，孩子成長的前幾年對你是相當重要，因為是培養親子關係的關鍵期之類等等的道理。
當然，我也贊成。

但是，當我在前些日子聽到一位成功領袖提到她是如何將兩隻“無尾熊”兒子狠心地留在家裡交由父母看顧時，我改變了想法。

當時，每次她需要外出為生意與他們更好的將來拚搏時，兩個兒子就會一人抱住她的一隻腳哭得好悽慘。
她總是強忍著淚水，頭也不回地踏出屋外。
半個小時後，當她撥電回家查看兩個孩子時，母親的回應是他們可玩得了呢！

經過 3-5 年的努力奋斗后，她已經有能力讓自己與老公一同退休。
接下來的好幾年，只要是兩個兒子的重要人生里程碑，颁奖礼，體育活動，生日等等的，她無一個缺席的。
試問，我們有多少人記得自己５歲前發生的事情？
但是，相比之下，我們之後的人生路你記得多少？

那麼，若有選擇，你會希望父母在我們前５歲的時候陪著我們還是在我們懂事的時候因為忙著幫別人打工而無法抽空陪我們？
我的想法並不能代表普羅大眾。
但是，對我而言，我希望接下來的3-5年勤奮地為事業打拼好讓我終於成家立業時能夠與我的妻子一起當全職雙親。
孩子是屬於我們倆的，讓她一個人照顧有何為公平，有或許讓她獨自享受與孩子的快樂時光對我也不公平吧？

這條路會很艱辛，但是如果是容易的話，每個人都會在做了。
唯有你真正很想得到時，你才會盡了全力去爭取。
為我未來美好的全職雙親生活乾杯！