A Happy Married Life

Usually, when I go to a temple, I would browse the area where the donated books are.
They are called 结缘品. Direct translation would mean an item by fate.
You can take anything you like from there as well as donate any religious books, tapes, CDs, etc.

When I was at the temple, 十八罗汉 at the main road to my Gpa's hse, I saw this book.
Without hesitation, I took the book home. =)
At age 27, with friends around you getting married & having kids, don't you feel an urge or a need to?

I don't know about you, but for me, yes.

Is it a need? An urge? Or a paternity calling?
I'm not sure.

What I do know is that I want to get married with the woman I love & have afew little ones running our house to complete a family.
Of coz, before that, I need to find a gf. =P

That's also one of the reasons why I'm not asking anyone(someone in particular) to be my gf just yet.
I seriously hope that my next gf would be my last & she is The One to walk down the aisle with me.

We definitely need more time to understand each other better & if we're suitable for each other.
Most importantly, I need alot more time & effort to convince her after I'm sure myself that the choice is right.

Sy said, "Hope your perseverance works out."
I definitely hope so. =D

At the back of this book, it wrote, "If a man can find a suitable and understanding wife and a woman can find a suitable and understanding husband, both are fortunate indeed." -The Buddha.

As most of you should know by now, I'm a SUPER DUPER slow reader.
I'm only starting Chapter 5 -Security, Respect and Responsibilities. Heez =P

But, there are meaningful phases I would like to share after finishing 4 chapters so far.
*clap* *clap* Some encouragement for even opening this book to start reading after like taking this book home since afew mths back.

In the 1st Chapter - The Nature of Love and Pleasure:-
There's a paragraph that says ...

When beauty, complexion and youth start to fade away, a husband who considers only the physical aspects of love may think of acquiring another younger one. That type of love is animal love or lust. If a man really develops love as an expression of human concern for another being, he will not lay emphasis only on the external beauty and physical attractiveness of his partner. The beauty and attractiveness of his partner should be in her heart and mind, not in what he sees. Likewise, the wife who follows Buddhist teachings will never neglect her husband though he has become old, poor or sick.

For Chapter 2 on The Reality of Married Life:-
Some meaningful paragraphs. . .

Young people who read romantic novels and watch romantic films often conclude that marriage is a bed of roses. Unfortunately, marriage is not as sweet as one thinks.

If a couple can share pain and pleasure in their day-to-day life they can console each other and minimise their grievances.

Man and woman need the comfort of each other when facing problems and difficulties. The feelings of insecurity and unrest will disappear and life will be more meaningful, happy and interesting if there is someone who is willing to share another's burden.

The Buddhist Concept of Marriage in the 3rd Chapter shares:-

Just because he warned one against problems in marriage does not mean that the Buddha condemned marriage.

Here, religious advice is important for maintaining a tranquil life. However, a man should not become a slave to any religion. Man is not for religion, religion is for man. That means man must know how to make use of religion for his betterment and for his happiness in a respectable way. Simply by following certain religious vows, precepts or commandments with blind faith or by force, thinking that we are duty-bound to observe them will not develop proper understanding. One important aspect of Buddhism is that the Buddha did not impost any religious laws or commandments. The Buddha was a unique teacher who had set out a number of disciplinary codes for us to uphold according to our way of life. Those who follow the precepts observe them voluntarily but not as obligatory religious laws. It is up to us to follow the advice through our own understanding and experience of what is good for us and for others. Through trial and error, we learn to follow the advice which will give us peace and happiness.

I found one of the answers I'm seeking for in Chapter 4 - The Religious Dilemma
These few paragraphs pointed me the direction I should head for. . .

*Individual Rights
One of the greatest causes of concern among those who do not belong to the non-semitic religions is the problem of conversion before marriage. While Buddhists and Hindus never demand that a couple must belong to the same religion before a marriage can be solemnised, many others tend to take advantage of this tolerance.

Marriage, contrary to what many romantic novels say, does not mean the total and absolute merging of two people to the extent that each loses his or her own identity. When a religion demands that both partners must have the same religious label, it denies the basic human right of an individual to believe what he or she wants. Societies throughout history have proved that "Unity in Diversity" is not only possible but desirable. Out of diversity comes GREATER respect and understanding. This should apply to marriage also. There are many living examples all over the world where the husband and wife maintain their own beliefs and yet are able to maintain their happy married life without confronting each other.

Buddhists do not oppose the existence of other religions even within the same household. Unfortunately, this generous attitude has been exploited by unscrupulous religionists who are out to gain converts by all means.

Intelligent Buddhists must be aware of this stratagem. NO SELF-RESPECTING INTELLIGENT HUMAN BEING WHO REALLY UNDERSTANDS WHAT HE BELIEVES ACCORDING TO HIS OWN CONVICTION SHOULD GIVE UP HIS BELIEFS MERELY TO SATISFY THE MAN-MADE DEMANDS OF ANOTHER RELIGION. Buddhists do not demand that their partners embrace Buddhism. Neither should they surrender their own beliefs.

Therefore, it is most important for one to know that if there is a process of conversion involved, it must be based on true conviction and not mere convenience or compulsion. Buddhists maintain the freedom of the individual to choose. This principle should be respected by all.

P/S : Though this is a book written by a well-known Dharma speaker, Ven Dr. K. Sri Dhammananda with a Buddhist perspective, believers of other religions may read it as reference in leading a happy married life.

May all beings have happy unions and lead peaceful and contented lives! =)